The Diamonds
by CartoonishIdealism
Summary: Wander and Sylvia are helping to rebuild the galaxy but they're interrupted by a dangerous pair of villains from Wander's past.
1. The Old Friend

**Author's note: This is the dumbest thing I have ever written**

"Whew!" Wander exclaimed, wiping off sweat. "I'm finally done with this fruit stand!"

"Uh buddy, you've already built seven fruit stands." Sylvia said, gesturing to said fruit stands. "I think that's enough."

Wander shook his head. "Sylvia, a marketplace can NEVER have enough fruit stands! You know what they say! 'A torkapple a day, keeps the norploots away'!"

Sylvia smiled and rolled her eyes. It had been a few months since the whole "end of the galaxy" fiasco, and the denizens of the galaxy had begun to rebuild the planets Dominator had destroyed. And of course, Wander had insisted they help with the reconstruction.

At the moment, they were helping to construct a marketplace.

All of a sudden, the sky seemed to darken. "Weird." Sylvia said. "Hey Wander, maybe we should all head inside, it looks like it's about to rain."

"Rain?" Wander looked up and immediately froze. "Uh...Syl? That's not rain."

Realization hit Sylvia like a freight train. It wasn't rain clouds making the sky darker. The entire planet was in the shadow of something huge. Namely, a massive spaceship.

Sylvia felt a wave of fear wash over her. The last time something like this happened was with...DOMINATOR. But...she couldn't be back! Could she?

Sylvia looked up, fearing the worst, but the silhouette of the ship was distinctly different from Dominator's enormous battle cruiser. Indeed, this ship was not like any ship Sylvia had seen before. It was composed of a shiny white metal, almost crystalline in appearance, and shaped like a giant head with shoulders attached.

"Oh grop, NOW who's this?" Sylvia wondered. Just when they thought they had seen the last of Dominator, THIS GUY pops up?

"Wander, I think that's our cue to g-" she turned to find that Wander was frozen in place.

"Buddy? You OK?" Sylvia asked but Wander didn't respond. He took a step closer to the massive space ship.

Squinting at the massive dark structure, Wander whispered "It looks...familiar..."

"What? You mean...you've seen this guy before?"

Suddenly, a deafening voice rang out from the ship. "ATTENTION FILTHY ORGANICS!"

The voice was female, with a posh English accent. It was authoritative, but at the same time, it was very...theatrical. Everyone immediately stopped whatever they were doing and looked to the ship.

"I am currently searching for an intergalactic fugitive." The ship projected a massive hologram of a wanted poster into the air. Sylvia's swallowed hard. The poster featured a picture of Wander, with the caption 'Tumbleweed: WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE'.

The citizens of the planet began to murmur amongst themselves.

Sylvia grabbed Wander by the arm and pulled him along. They needed a hiding spot and fast. Suddenly, Sylvia spotted a large basket next to a fruit stand. The two jumped into the basket and closed the lid over them, making sure to stay as quiet and motionless as possible.

Outside, the voice continued to speak. "My sources have indicated that he was last seen on THIS PLANET. If anyone has any information on the whereabouts of this wanted criminal, come forward NOW!"

Sylvia felt her heart skip a beat. They've been hanging out in this planet all day. Lots of people had seen them. What if someone sold them out?

Worried, Sylvia poked out of their hiding spot for a peek. The citizens of the planet nervously shifted in their spots, murmuring under the breath. Not a single person stepped forth.

Sylvia breathed a sigh of relief. What was she thinking? Of course nobody would sell them out! Everyone knew who Wander was. No one would ever dream of selling out the galaxy's most beloved hero. They were in the clear...

"Fine! We'll do this the HARD WAY!" The voice said. "Initiate planetary DNA scan!"

The villainess faltered for a moment. "No, I don't CARE how much energy it's going to take! I KNOW he's here! I can sense it! Now do as you're told and INITIATE PLANETARY DNA SCAN!"

The ship emitted a beam of light that passed over the surface of the entire planet. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, the voice finally spoke up again.

"Gotcha."

There was a loud mechanical noise as the ship whirred to life. Its mouth slowly opened, and as it did a massive laser cannon pushed its way out and aimed itself directly at Wander and Sylvia.

"Oh grop."

The duo leapt out of the basket just as a scorching laser beam blew it to smithereens, leaving a miniature crater where it used to be.

"After so many years of searching..." The unseen woman cackled with glee. Her maniacal laugh boomed throughout the planet.

"My MORTAL ENEMY! My NEMESIS! Finally, I HAVE YOU IN MY SIGHTS!" The woman spoke each and every word with such relish that it was almost hard to take her seriously. "I've waited a lifetime to say these words..."

A giant panel on the ship's forehead opened up and a platform extended outwards. Standing on the platform was the largest villain Sylvia had ever seen.

She was absolutely enormous. So big that Wander would have fit nicely in the palm of her hand. She stood at ease, hands behind her back. Her face wore a maniacal smirk.

The villainess resembled something like a cross between a queen and a military general. She was lithe but muscular, like a jungle cat. She dressed in pale white attire, regal but modest. Well...aside from the impractically long white cape that flowed behind her. She had spiky white hair that stuck upwards and swayed ever so slightly in the wind, so that it almost resembled a flickering fire.

But what drew Sylvia's attention the most was her face. It almost seemed like it didn't fit with the rest of her body. Her eyes constantly twitched and her demented facial expression was ridiculously over-the-top. The contrast was deeply unsettling. Jutting out of her forehead was a shiny white gemstone, shaped like a diamond.

"Tumbleweed," the villainess spoke, gleefully savouring each syllable as it left her mouth. "You have been found guilty of crimes against the Diamond Authority! Return to me what is rightfully mine, and I, the resplendent White Diamond, will make your death MARGINALLY LESS AGONISING!"

Wander gasped. "White Diamond!" he exclaimed. "Where've you been? I haven't seen you in years! Did you get a new paint job on your ship? Fancy! I hardly recognised it!"

"Uh...Wander?" Sylvia whispered. "I'd hate to interrupt but-"

"Oh! How rude of me! White Diamond, I'd like you to meet my new pal Sylvia! Syl, this is my old friend Wh-"

"I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND!" White Diamond yelled. Suddenly there was a blinding white flash, and a sear of heat. The ground beneath Wander and Sylvia's feet exploded, sending them flying through the air.

White Diamond threw her head back and laughed. "That was a warning shot Tumbleweed! CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!"

The two of them sat up, their bodies aching from the impact. Wander dusted himself off and turned to White Diamond, mildly annoyed. "Hey! Is that how you greet an old pal?"

"OLD PAL?! WHA-I'LL SHOW YOU 'OLD PAL'!" White Diamond aimed the laser again. "Last chance Tumbleweed! HAND IT OVER!"

"Hand what over?"

White Diamond frowned. "Fine. Enjoy your last precious moments alive Tumbleweed!" she cackled. "I guess I'll just have to loot it off your IMMOLATED CORPSE!" She pointed down at the duo in an exaggerated manner. "FIRE!"

There was a long awkward silence.

"AHEM! I SAID FIRE!"

More silence.

"Uh...MOONSTONE?!" White Diamond shouted. "Why aren't my enemies suffering an agonising death right now?" A bored voice came from within the ship that was just barely audible.

"We don't have enough energy for another blast, my diamond. The energy crystals have been depleted. They need to recharge."

"WHAT?!"

"I told you the planetary scan was a bad idea."

White Diamond pinched the bridge of her nose. "Ugh, remind me to shatter you later."

"Buddy, I think it's time for us to go." Sylvia whispered.

Wander nodded in response and took the bottle of orbble juice out of his hat. He turned to the ship and, cupping his hands around his mouth, he shouted "Hey White D!"

"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT!"

"It's been great seeing you again! But you seem real busy, so I think it's best if me and Syl just skedaddle on out of here! Planets to visit, sights to see, you know how it is!"

Wander blew an orbble around the two of them. As soon as he did, Sylvia took off from the planet at breakneck speed.

"Oh, LEAVING SO SOON?!" The massive ship turned to face the duo as they fled. White Diamond shook her head in mock disappointment. "There's nowhere to run Tumbleweed! I'll tear this galaxy apart until I find you!"

"Leave him alone!" Sylvia snapped. "My pal here hasn't done anything! What do you even want from him anyway?"

White Diamond's face contorted with anger. "What do I want with him? I want him to suffer a painful demise! I want him to beg for mercy as I eradicate his physical form!"

She grinned. "But most of all...I want him to return what he STOLE from me all those years ago!"

"Stole?" Sylvia wondered aloud.

"YES!" White Diamond cried. Her voice was now fading into the distance but it was still clearly audible. "You ask me what I want, fleshy blue steed? I want VENGEANCE! I want JUSTICE!"

"I! WANT! MY! HAT!"

 **YAY! Crossover! This is my first ever fanfic for this show. I'm not entirely sure if I really want to continue this story but I do have a few ideas. And trust me, it only gets dumber from here on out.**


	2. The Flashback (Part 1)

**Sorry this took a while guys! I honestly wasn't expecting so many positive reviews on the last chapter! Thanks for all the support!**

 _Over 5000 years ago..._

"GET HIM!"

Tumbleweed dashed through the crystalline ship pursued by several Amethyst soldiers.

"Come back here you !" One of the Amethysts shouted as she made a leap to grab him. Tumbleweed easily slipped just out of her grasp and rounded the corner as she tumbled to the floor.

"Sorry, Amethyst 3XQ! Tumbleweed called out as he sped down the hallway.

White Diamond was watching the entire thing from her ship's cockpit, frustrated. She slammed her fist on the control panel.

"You gems were created for brutal combat." She spoke through the intercom. "You were engineered SPECIFICALLY to crush the enemies of Homeworld. So how is it, that you IDIOTS can't even catch an OVERGROWN FURBALL?!"

Tumbleweed chuckled a little to himself. The Amethysts were much stronger than he was, but he was far more nimble and agile. They couldn't hold him down if they couldn't catch him to begin with. Not to mention, he had snuck on the ship so many times that he practically had the layout memorised.

As he ran straight through the engine room, Tumbleweed made sure to quickly greet all the maintenance gems, much to their confusion.

"Hey Peridots 5XN, 4YV and 3XC! Hi Moonstones 9YL and 2FH! Hello there Peridot 3VX! Gotta go! BYE!"

As he left the room, Tumbleweed heard a loud commotion behind him, presumably the sound of several Amethysts tripping over a series of computers.

White Diamond continued to shout. "IDIOTS! IMBECILES! ABSOLUTE BUFFOONS!"

Tumbleweed smiled. Now all he had to do was round the corner, enter the password for the main door (DiamondzRule) and he'd be home free.

He went round the bend and saw the massive dual doors just down the hall. There they were! Easy as 1, 2-

ZAP! Tumbleweed felt himself slam into a hard surface. As composed himself, he realised he was trapped in some kind of force field cage.

"HA!" White Diamond's voice boomed over the intercom. "Got _FORCE FIELD_?!"

"Like the new experimental tech? Took the Peridots MONTHS to engineer! There was a 50/50 chance it'd blow the entire ship's power supply, but it was totally worth it just to see the look on your DUMB FACE!"

"Hey, worthless clods? Once you pull yourselves together, drag this idiot up to the control room." White Diamond let out an evil laugh before the intercom switched off.

A few moments later, Tumbleweed found himself dumped out at White Diamond's feet. A psychotic grin split her face like a knife wound.

 _Well,_ Tumbleweed thought. _Guess it's time for an escape plan._

"At last...I finally ha-"

"WOW!" Tumbleweed exclaimed, momentarily stunning White Diamond. He rushed on over to the nearest panel of buttons. "This control room is AMAZING! Ooh! What does this button do?"

"NO DON'T-"

Tumbleweed pressed the button and the entire ship jerked to the right, sending White Diamond stumbling.

"ENOUGH!"

Tumbleweed ignored her. "What about this one?"

He pushed it and an alarm started going off.

"SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED"

Tumbleweed gave White Diamond a sheepish grin. "Whoops!" He said innocently.

White Diamond growled at him before grabbing onto the control panel and deactivating the self-destruct mechanism, stabilising the ship in the process.

"Well looks like I better get going!" Tumbleweed said, making a beeline for the exit. "See you la-"

Suddenly, he found himself unable to move. His arms were pinned to his sides by some kind of invisible force.

He felt himself being lifted into the air by the invisible force as White Diamond cackled in the background.

"Right." Tumbleweed muttered quietly to himself. He totally forgot about White Diamond's-

"TELEKINESIS!" She laughed. "Bet you forgot about this little thing didn't you?"

She stepped closer and brought Tumbleweed to her face.

"Now where was I? Oh that's right." She cleared her throat.

"At last...I finally ha-"

"My Diamond!" A small, slender gem ran into the room holding a beeping diamond-shaped object in her hands.

White Diamond jerked her head sideways to face her. "PEARL! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT INTERRUPTING MY SPEECHES?!"

The Pearl stopped in her tracks, trembling with fear. "M-my apologies my Diamond."

She turned her attention back to Tumbleweed and cleared her throat again. "At last...I fi-the moment's gone. Great. THANKS A LOT PEARL."

"B-but my Diamond, you have a message on the Diamond line."

"UGH. We've been over this, LET IT GO TO VOICE MAIL!"

"It's from Pink Diamond."

Tumbleweed froze. He had heard of Pink Diamond, but he had never actually seen her before. She was White Diamond's younger sister and former ally who held control over the planet known as "Earth". For the past few centuries, she had been involved in a three-way war between her own forces, White Diamond's army and a group of rebel gems who fought to liberate the Earth from her tyranny.

No one knew for sure why the two sisters had turned against one another. Some say Pink was trying to overthrow White.

Others claimed the two had been fighting over a certain magical artefact...

Tumbleweed looked to White Diamond. She was clearly trying to suppress her anger. After a moment of silence she sighed. "Answer it."

Pink Diamond appeared on the screen and Tumbleweed had a double take. The resemblance between her and White Diamond was uncanny, yet it would have been impossible to mistake them for one another. The two of them were identical opposites, like reflections in a funhouse mirror.

The most obvious difference was her colour. Unsurprisingly, her skin was pink. Her face had smooth and rounded features, a stark contrast to White Diamond's angular face. Instead of a uniform, she wore a flowing pink dress. Her movements were fluid and graceful, making her seem like an almost ethereal being. Her pink hair was shaped in the form of a giant five-pointed star.

"White." She said with a smirk. "How are you?" Her voice was smooth and mellifluous, but at the same time, it was dripping with condescension and sarcasm.

"I do not have time for this Pink." White Diamond growled. She straightened up with a smug smile. "I'll have you know that I've finally CAPTURED the infernal being who has tormented me for these past few years."

"Ah yes, the infamous Tumbleweed." Pink Diamond said sarcastically. "If only you could capture THIS just as easily."

Pink raised her thumb. Resting snugly on the tip was a crumpled, charred green hat. Wrapped around it was a black band with a crooked star attached.

Tumbleweed gulped. That was it. That hat was the magical artefact that started this entire war in the first place.

A wave of warmth rippled over Tumbleweed's entire body as he stared at the hat on the screen. He felt...happier all of a sudden. Now this was nothing new-most magical objects had some form of magical aura about them but Tumbleweed had never felt such a strong aura before. It was as if the mere act of looking at it was enough to trigger a flood of happy memories in Tumbleweed's mind.

But Tumbleweed's happiness quickly turned into sadness and pity. Looking at the hat was almost like looking at the ruins of an ancient civilisation. Like a mighty warrior, reduced to a shadow of its former self.

The hat was crumpled and torn, and stray threads poked out all over it like wildflowers. The star in front had been bent out of shape and the whole thing was covered with black burn marks. The green colouring of the fabric had faded from the abuse.

And yet, the hat remained upright. The faded green fabric still glistened, like a spiderweb in the sunlight. For a second, it almost seemed like the hat's rim had formed into a half-hearted smile-one that Tumbleweed was all too familiar with.

Despite its dishevelled appearance, the hat gave off an air of dignified optimism. It was almost like, through all the pain and torture it undoubtedly faced, the hat still persevered. Like it still found a reason to smile, even after all it had been through.

He knew exactly what that was like.

"Did you go through the trouble of calling just to gloat in my face again?" White Diamond snarled.

Pink Diamond rolled her eyes. "Of course not. I called to tell you that the strangest thing just happened. I caught a little Onyx sneaking around in my temple. She said she belonged to you."

Pink Diamond looked at White Diamond with an obviously fake innocent smile. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"

"Nope. Not a clue."

"Oh. So you didn't send that Onyx to assassinate me?"

"OF COURSE I SENT THAT ONYX TO ASSASSINATE YOU, YOU IDIOT!"

Pink Diamond made an expression of mock surprise. "Really? I'm SHOCKED! Who would have thought that the ALL-POWERFUL White Diamond, LEADER OF HOMEWORLD and ALL GEMKIND could possibly fail at such a simple task?"

"Oh wait..." She smirked. "You're not White Diamond anymore, are you?"

White Diamond tensed up and pounded her fist through the control panel, sending electric sparks flying. "I am, and always WILL BE White Diamond" she said through grit teeth.

Pink Diamond shook her head, clearly unimpressed. "White Diamond would never let her temper get the better of her like that. She'd never spend years obsessively pursuing a little enemy of hers. Whatever you are," she said with disgust, "you're not White Diamond."

Tumbleweed could see White Diamond practically twitching with anger. She was a timebomb, with only seconds left on the clock. He braced himself for her inevitable explosion of rage.

But instead she took a deep breath and calmed down. She gave Pink Diamond a smug smile.

"At least my hair doesn't look like a STARFISH."

Pink Diamond's eyes widened in anger. Her smirk twisted into a furious scowl.

"MY! HAIR! IS! AWESOME!" She roared so loud the screen began to tremble. Her body was suddenly wreathed with bright pink flames. In that moment, it was almost as if the two gems had briefly switched personalities.

Suddenly realising what happened, Pink Diamond regained her calm composure. The flames on her body died down.

"You know what? Fine. Say whatever you want about my hair. Because-"

"It looks like a cotton candy factory exploding."

" _Because,_ " Pink Diamond repeated, trembling with anger. "No matter what you say, I still have this."

She plucked the green hat off her thumb.

"And this little artefact is more than capable of giving me everything I need to DESTROY your forces."

She shook the hat around a bit and it shivered momentarily before spitting out a massive book that was definitely _way_ too big to have been hidden in there naturally.

"The Benefits of Emotional Communication". Pink stared at the book in confusion before tossing it aside, clearly annoyed.

White Diamond burst into laughter and Tumbleweed couldn't help but snicker a bit as well. That hat sure had a sense of humour.

Pink Diamond was unamused. She rolled her eyes and much to Tumbleweed's horror, she crushed the hat between her fingertips.

"No backtalk you glorified magic sack" she hissed. Tumbleweed felt a pang of sympathy for the poor magical object.

The crumpled hat weakly barfed out a steady stream of weapons at Pink Diamond's feet. The weapons ranged from normal sized spears and daggers to absolutely _enormous_ axes and swords that should never have been able to fit inside the hat. White Diamond ground her teeth together so hard Tumbleweed briefly thought they might shatter.

Pink Diamond smiled viciously at the hat. "Good job hat. Here's your reward."

Her fingertips burst into a pink inferno, roasting the hat between them. Tumbleweed gasped in shock and horror. "NO!" He cried out.

Pink Diamond stopped. "Who was that?"

White Diamond seemed skittish all of a sudden. "No one." She stated adamantly.

Tumbleweed didn't want to draw attention to himself, but Pink Diamond had stopped hurting the hat. If he could distract her long enough, maybe he could spare the hat from its unjust punishment.

Tumbleweed strained his neck and peeked out from behind White Diamond's shoulder. He gave the screen his biggest, friendliest smile possible. "Well hello to you! Pink Diamond is it? I've heard all about you! It is such an honour to finally meet you face-to-face! Folks call me Tumbleweed! Normally I'd tip my hat to you, but I'm a little tied up at the moment."

"FOOL!" White Diamond shouted. "SHUT UP!"

"...NO. WAY." Pink Diamond suddenly succumbed to hysterical laughter. "This?! This is the infamous Tumbleweed? The 'bane of your existence'? The 'greatest threat to your empire'?"

"Aw...she's just joking about all that!" Tumbleweed said with a big grin. "The truth is, I'm actually her bestest buddy in the whoooole universe!"

Pink Diamond suddenly turned cold. She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"SHUT UP! NO WE'RE NOT! We've never been buddies and we NEVER WILL BE!" White Diamond roared, fuming with anger.

Pink's expression was a mix of pity and disgust. "Look at you. You're pathetic. One could hardly believe you used to be the most powerful gem in all of Homeworld."

"Well, I'd better go now. Wouldn't want you to keep your 'bestest buddy' waiting!" She laughed and the screen blanked out.

White Diamond grabbed the Diamond Communicator and crushed it to pieces with her bare hands. She then stormed over to what remained of the control panel and dumped the broken pieces into the pile before screaming and pounding the pile of rubble into the dust.

"STUPID IDIOTIC PINK! THINKS SHE'S MORE 'WHITE DIAMOND' THAN ME! NO ONE IS MORE WHITE DIAMOND THAN ME! I! AM! WHITE! DIAMOND!" She punctuated each word with a forceful punch.

Tumbleweed watched, still suspended in mid-air by her telekinetic grasp. "Uh...White D?" He whispered. "I know it's none of my business, but I couldn't help but notice you seem just a teensy bit upset at your sister. Why is that?"

White Diamond paused. "You're right..." she turned to face him. All her fury was now focused on him once again. "It IS none of your business."

Her psychic hold on him slowly began to tighten.

 _I've gotta find a way out of this,_ he thought.

"Well, it's just too bad you're going to destroy me now." Tumbleweed said wistfully. "I was really hoping I could meet that sister of yours. She seemed like a really nice person!"

White Diamond's eyes looked as if they might bulge out of their sockets. "NO SHE'S NOT!"

Tumbleweed felt White's cold psychic grasp on his body tighten even further, squeezing the air out of his lungs. The pain had already faded into numbness as his vision began to fade and the world began to spin around him.

A cold twisted smile stretched across White Diamond's face. "ANY LAST WORDS?!"

Tumbleweed choked "It's...too bad...I was REALLY hoping I could be...friends with...her..."

White Diamond's eyes widened. Her telekinetic hold on Tumbleweed vanished and he dropped to the floor gasping and choking for breath.

 _It worked._ He thought to himself as his dizziness faded.

White Diamond stepped forward, casting her massive shadow on Tumbleweed. She stared down at him with a blank expression. What...did you just say?"

"I said, it's too bad you're gonna destroy me, I was really hoping I could be friends with Pink Diamond!"

There was an awkward silence.

Then White Diamond broke the silence with a slow, maniacal giggle that quickly developed into a full-fledged chorus of evil laughter.

Suddenly, she grabbed Tumbleweed in her massive hand and lifted him up to her face. She wore a jagged, insane grin and her eyes gleamed with madness.

"Oh...I've just had the most brilliant idea."


End file.
